Encoded Emotions

Mama is in Legaspi, the provincial city where all three of us her children were born and raised. Our eldest is in Florida. Our youngest is in Metro Manila. I, the middle child, am in California. Not so long ago we agreed to meet after not having seen each other between eight months and five years. No, we were not about to converge in one particular geographical point. We were to stay put and communicate at the touch of a button.

It was a big day for all of us especially Mama who, being a baby boomer, was about to embark on an electronic journey unlike any of her previous ventures. She has gone as far as being a competently dextrous and jargon-enabled consumer of text messaging. But the keyboard and monitor are alien to her. Say "mouse" and she might be on her toes for a rodent resident. And it amazes her no end how a small widget as a webcam was about to enable all of us to see each other despite thousands of miles of oceans in between.

In place of location, the different time zones became the order of the event. Night and day were about to mesh as each of us sought out a terminal from which to transmit our words and image, our thoughts and feelings: Mama and our youngest had to go to an internet cafe, our eldest and I each had an accessible PC from home.

Like any pioneer endeavor, we spent a great deal of time and effort stumbling though the technical set-up. With help from shop assistants, Mama was the first to broadcast her image and voice. I was smiling from ear to hear seeing her with a rather large headset clumping on her ears. And the microphone curving outwards to her lips made her seem like a burger joint crew captain or Madonna in concert.

In between configuring our respective pieces of chilly metals and hard plastic, our mother, being virtually on top of it all, was regulating the conversation. My sisters were simultaneously conversing with her while integrating their hardwares and softwares. No sooner was everyone transmitting spoken words and streaming images - everyone but me. Unfortunately, my audio and video were not in their optimal functionality. I can hear and see them all but they couldn't do likewise with me. I was digitally detached. So, the keyboard became my tool and encoded language my format. My words will have to be typewritten in response to theirs spoken.

They were all quite dismayed at my technological disadvantage. In the vastness of the internet universe, the only thing Mother planet wanted was to see and hear her terestrially distant yet emotionally proximate sattelites. Seeking reassurance, she asked me if I could hear and see her. I inscribed, "Iyo po, Mama, dangog ta 'ka, hiling ta 'ka." (Yes, Mama, I can hear you, I can see you.) She looked wondrously into the monitor and uttered the words that seemed to have magically appeared onscreen. When she got to the last word, she sat in silence and swelled with tears of joy.

So, there we were in different parts of the world conveying to each other through the internet our significant joys and pains, our little triumphs and defeats, our current issues and concerns; I, in particular, communicating with my fingers. From then on, our web conferences had become a constant electronic affair averaging twice a month, with our four-way audio-video interface in full technical functioning.

It's amazing how technology touches human lives, how it enables us to transcend cold hardware and insentient software and transmit emotions. In certain ways, technology does brings people closer together. How it equips us to navigate our way to other people's hearts is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

Para ho!

Malaking tulong sa karaniwang mamamayan ang pampublikong transportasyon. Bagamat mas matagal ang biyahe, abot-kaya ang halaga. Isa ako noon sa libu-libong sakay ng mga bus, dyip, MRT, LRT, taksi at traysikel sa Kalakhang Maynila; nakikipagsabayan sa libu-libong taong paroo't parito. Sa pagsisimula ko dito sa Amerika, pampublikong transportasyon din ang tuwina kong karamay sa pagbibiyahe.

High-tech ang mga bus dito sa Los Angeles county! Karamiha'y may live map kung saan makikita ang lansangang tinatahak ng bus at iba't-ibang kalye sa paligid na dadaanan nito. Meron pang crawler (para sa mga hearing-impaired) kung saan mababasa ang paparating at susunod na hinto, at voice over (para sa mga vision-impaired) na magsasabi ng gayunding impormasyon. May 1-800 number din na tutukoy kung saan ka maghihintay, ano'ng bus ang sasakyan mo at ano'ng oras ang pick-up ng bus. Sasabihin mo lang ang panggagalingan at paroroonan mo. Pati haba ng biyahe at oras ng dating sa destinasyon, malalaman mo. Hanep!

Pagsakay ko ng bus isang araw, tinanong ko yung drayber kung dadaanan ang ganitong abenida. Palibhasa immigrant din tulad ko at hindi pa siguro bihasa sa Ingles, tumango lang siya, ngumiti ng bahagya at tinuro sa akin kung saan ko dapat ihulog ang barya. "Naku," sabi ko sa sarili ko, "mukhang mapapasabak ang navigating skills ko." Nalaman ko rin na ang partikular na bus na iyon, palibhasa ibang linya, ay walang live map, crawler at voice over. Ganda.

Todo-alerto ako sa mga street sign. Para akong may leeg ng giraffe at mga mata ng lawin sa pagmatyag sa mga bintana. Ilang beses ko ding tinitingnan ang printed schedule. Kabado ako kasi may takdang oras ang hinto ng mga bus dito. Kapag nalampasan mo, sira ang schedule mo, at malamang hindi ka makakarating sa paroroonan mo sa tamang oras.

Ilang saglit pa, nasilayan ko na ang street sign na inaabangan ko! Muntik ako mapasigaw ng "Para!" Hinila ko ang kordon para tumigil ang bus at bumaba ako. Binasa ko ang pangalan ng kalye sa street sign at sa schedule. Tama! Isang ngiti at buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan ko. Pero namalikmata ako sa hawak kong papel. May nakaligtaan ako. Tama ang isang lansangan pero mali yung isa! Hindi iyon ang intersection na dapat kong binabaan! Aaarrggh!

Bumalik ako sa bus stop at naupo sa bench para hintayin ang susunod na bus. Sheet! Ayokong ma-late! Tila dalawang oras ang dalawampung minutong paghihintay. Para hindi mabato at marelaks-relaks ng konti naisipan kong kumanta (sa isipan lang, ikaw naman). At hindi ko naiwasan bumirit ng:

"Liman-dipang taong nag-uunahan

Sa uunting sasakyang nagdaraan

Sayang ang d'yipning kanina'y lulan

At ngayo'y nagsisisi sa aking pagbubusisi

Malaking pagkakamali!

"Para, Mama, sasakay po

Liman-dipang taong nagtutulakan

Para, Mama, sasakay po

Liman-dipang taong nag-uunahan

Para na sabi, para na sabi

Para, Mama, para na diyan sa tabi."

Mga tatlong beses kong naulit yung kanta bago dumating ang sumunod na bus na may parehong karatula. Tiniyak ko ngayon sa drayber na mukhang Asyano na dadaan nga ito sa bababaan ko at sabihan niya ako kung malapit na. "Sige, hijo, ako'ng bahala," sagot niya! Aba, Pilipino! Okey pala'ng kumanta ng OPM sa bus stop. Para akong nagharana at nakatanggap ng matamis na sagot. Pagbaba ko, binigyan niya ako ng libreng tiket para sa susunod kong sasakyan.

Paglipat ko ng bus, inabisuhan ko ang drayber na sabihan ako pagdating namin sa ganitong kalye. Bumalik ang pagkakampante ko dahil may live map, crawler at voice over ang bus. Ilang hinto ang nagdaan at narating na namin ang isa sa dalawang lansangan na inaantabayanan ko. Hindi na 'kako ako magkakamaling bumaba sa unang sulyap ng isang kalye. Dapat tama ang dalawang kalye ng intersection.

Makalipas ang tatlumpung minuto, hindi ko pa nakikita sa live map ang pangalawang kalyeng inaabangan ko at nalampasan na rin namin yung nauna. Kumunot ang noo ko. Tiningnan ko ang schedule. Labinlimang minuto lang dapat ang biyahe mula sa pinanggalingan ko. Umiling-iling ako at napangiti ng malumanay. Nalampasan na nga namin ang dapat kong bababaan. Ayon sa drayber, hindi nakatakda sa crawler o voice over ang kalyeng hanap ko dahil pagpapatuloy ito ng isang pangunahing lansangan, at ang pangalan ng huli ang nakalagay sa mapa. Galing. Humingi siya ng paumanhin at binigyan ako ng tiket pabalik.

Hintay uli. Hindi ko na nagawang kumanta. Dumating ang bus makalipas ang dalawampung minuto. Sumakay ako sa ika-apat na pagkakataon at sa wakas nakarating sa destinayon. Pero mahigit isang oras na akong late sa appointment. Hindi na ako tinanggap. Bad trip - in both senses! Wala akong nagawa kundi magsimulang maglakbay pauwi.

Abang ako ngayon ng bus pabalik. Tanghaling tapat na at marahas ang sinag ng araw. Hindi ko na alam ang schedule ng bus sa ganoong oras kaya't walang katiyakan ang paghihintay ko. Nabatid ko na lang na madalang ang bus tuwing low hours. Isang oras din ang dumaan bago dumating ang isang bus. Isang oras, pare! Shet! Sakay ako agad. Ibinaba ako sa isang highway stop para doo'y maghintay uli. Liblib ang lugar. Walang bahay sa paligid. May abandonadong bodega sa likod ko at gusaling hindi pa tapos itayo sa harap. Isang munting kagubatan ang kinaroroonan ko.

Hintay uli. At sa muli kong paghihintay, hindi ko naiwasang maisip ang Maynila. Kung nandoon 'kako ako ngayon kakaway lang ako may titigil nang bus, dyip o taksi sa harapan ko - kahit saan, kahit kailan. Nagkalat din ang mga traysikel at pedikab sa bawat sulok. Nagawa ko uli maghintay ng isa pang oras, pero pagpalo ng orasan sa ika-animnapung minuto't wala pa ring bus, nagpasya na akong maglakad. At sa mga sandaling iyon nagtiwala uli ako sa biyayang hatid ng awiting Pinoy kaya't pumakawala ng:

"Hinahanap-hanap kita, Manila

Ang ingay mong kay sarap sa tenga

Mga dyipni mong nagliliparan

Mga lalake mong naggwa-gwapuhan (,")

Take me back in your arms, Manila

Promise me you'll never let go."

Tinulungan naman ako ng napagtanungan kong mga kasalubong para matunton ang bus stop. Katunayan, may isang ale, kasama ang dalawa niyang tsikiting, na hinatid ako. "You look like you need help," sabi niya. Hindi ako nagtipid sa pasasalamat. "Thank you very much for giving me a ride considering I'm a stranger," sabi ko.

Ilang saglit pa at dumating na sa wakas ang bus na maghahatid sa akin sa kabihasnan. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang tuwa nang makita ko ang bus sa di-kalayuan, tumigil ito sa harapan ko at pasukin ko ang malamig na looban nito. Tila biktima ako ng isang kalamidad at ang bus ang dumating na rescue mission.

Sa totoo lang, maganda ang sistema ng bus dito - organisado. Tuloy mga pasahero nagiging maayos sa pagtala ng lakbayin nila, at hindi malayong maiangkop nila ang pagiging organisado sa maraming aspeto ng kanilang pamumuhay. Kailangan lang isaulo ang mga rota at oras ng biyahe at maging alerto sa kinaroroonan. At para sa akin, pihadong mas maganda ang biyahe kapag OPM ang humihirit sa sound system ng bus.

"Basta't tayo'y magkasama

Laging mayro'ng umagang kay ganda

Pagsikat ng araw

May dalang liwanag

Sa ating pangarap

Haharapin natin"

Overwhelmed

For a long time I was staring at this blog window blank. A dizzying compendium of thoughts and words struggled to make their way from my mind to the screen to no avail. My head was brimming, almost exploding, with issues and concerns that needed to be sorted out, sifted through and absorbed.

Culture shock. These are the key words to my current stream of consciousness. It was right under my nose but I was oblivious. As I've written in Coming to America, "so many things to do, plenty of places to go to, a multitude of people to meet, and an onerous amount of information to digest."

To say "migrating to another country is not easy" is an utter understatement. Travelling, which I love to do, is one thing. Relocating to live and work in a totally different environment is a whole different ballgame. You have to play by the rules to reach goal. But first, you must comprehend the rules to play the game smart.

The most continguous and cumbersome task related to coming here is reading, understanding and accomplishing all applications for my immigration. It never occured to me there will be about five or six to file. Up to now I'm still lost as to what I485, I685, I75 and etcetera indicates. I'm not even sure of those alphanumeric codes. One might even be an interstate highway.

The second thing I can think of is opening a checking account. I've never had one, ever, which goes to say I was neither in any kind of business nor moneyed enough to be signing that rectangular piece of paper every now and then. Bank terms are quite technical for me. My head aches taking in all those instructions and terms and conditions. How I wish information can be presented on a more exoteric level.

Add to the above the fact that English is not native to me. Both my reading and listening comprehensions have now been put to the test, perhaps incessantly. It's quite a challenge for me to correspond in English, be it in a professional setting or a casual occassion. Written communication is more manageable because you work on your own time. But talking to someone or a group of people has a sense of urgency because feedback is immediate.

I was once speaking to a live agent over the phone and he was talking too fast and his jargon was too specialized for me to be able to keep up. So I got lost somewhere in the conversation and was constantly asking and confirming information he needed. When I asked him to, "Say that again, please." He replied in a rather annoyed and contemptuous tone, "I don't know how else to put it other than the way I did!" Taken aback, I remained polite enough to say, "I'm sorry, sir, English is not my first language so please bear with me." I could've been more assertive or chosen to be an equal a**hole, though.

Let's get to getting around town. On several occassions, I had needed to take the bus or train. The sense of adventure is definitely a welcome excitement, especially if you're discovering cities as diverse as San Francisco and Los Angeles. But exploring the world around you can leave you on tenterhooks, especially if you're on your own. I will expound on this on an upcoming blog entry about using public transportation.

Of course, there's also private transportation. Although I haven't driven long enough back home, my friends tell me it's good that I haven't formed a lot of (incorrect) habits which can be hard to break. I read the DMV booklet cover to cover several times to get acquainted with road rules. I also took driving lessons which was nerve-wracking because you go behind the wheel, and my instructor being an immigrant was, like me, linguistically challenged. My efforts paid off. I passed all three tests - written, vision and road - on first take.

Computers and the Internet are two inevitably intertwined avenues where there are much to explore. It's like a whole universe out there. Up to now I still don't know how to work blogrolling, rss, xml and atom. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, or a microchip off the CPU. I often find myself jabbering about esoteric terminologies and softwares. And they come in gigabytes, baby! Go configure. Newfangled gadgets and complex gizmos? I honestly find myself veering away from them until I get familiar with their sight. My technology acumen definitely has room for exploration and possibilities.

Well, those are just about what I choose to write about for now. I can already foresee this early future concerns I have to brace myself for. Sooner or later I will have to deal with car ownership and maintenance which entails paperworks to be accomplished, proceedings to go through, another technical tome to ponder on, and passed-on knowledge to weigh in the mind.

Coming from a financially simplistic life, having a credit card of my own is another matter. I pretty much know how to use it - flash, swipe and sign. But there are nitty-gritty details of credit card use which are very important to grasp and remember.

I miss internet cafes because here, PCs, like cars, are necessities, not luxuries. I will have to buy a laptop or desktop soon, and that would mean another set of technical and actual contraptions to grapple with.

(Deep breath)

Oh, well. One day at a time. Come to think of it, after having orderly written about being overwhelmed, I don't feel as swamped as before.