Home Alone Again

Airports are one of the places that make me feel happy and excited. Luggage in tow, tickets and ID ready, people walking to and fro gleaming hallways bursting with activity. The spirit of adventure waiting in the wings pervade the atmosphere.

Airports are also one of the places that make me feel sad. Sending friends off, bidding relatives farewell, and kissing loved ones goodbye with the hope, no matter how uncertain, that you will meet again sometime in the future.

Mama, youngest sis Candy, and I spent forty memorable days together in Los Angeles. Their stay seems quite long, yet short just the same. No matter how many days you spend with family, it never seems enough by the time you part ways.

Mama is returning to San Francisco where she stays most of the year. Candy will be going back to the Philippines a week after. We exchanged kisses as well as tears as we said our goodbyes at LAX, my voice breaking when I thanked them both for the time they shared.

I sheltered inside Angelino in the airport parking lot and waited until the plane departed. Once I arrived home I stayed in the car for a while and thought about driving solo from hereon. With a deep breath, I stepped out and tapped Angelino’s roof to bid him good night, “No more car pool lanes, G. It’s just you and me now, buddy.”


When I got into my apartment, I took a good look around and let reality sink in. It’s just me again. It’s the same gnawing feeling whenever I find myself home alone after being with loved ones for quite a while.

There will be no one to share meals with. No more waiting in line for the bathroom. No elbows to hit in the cramped kitchen. Nor small chatter at night that put us all to sleep. I won’t be hearing “Makaon na!” (Let’s eat) or “Gudnayt” for a long time.

I reread "Malungkot" and "Glad to be Sad" to help me remember and help appease the loneliness. I also started to get busy with leftover chores to keep my mind off things.

By late evening, I rekindle my relationship with my blog.

And I find myself.