Mama’s Recovery

Mama had an accident last Valentine’s Day.

She fell on a rough pavement which inflicted cuts on her face, bruises on her arms and legs and, most crushing of all, she broke the upper end of her right humerus into three segments.

Her old glasses are now silent testament to the incident: cracks, bents, and blood - particularly on the left lens.

The orthopedic doctor we consulted here in L.A. advised surgery as soon as possible. Mama has no insurance until three months after the incident, so my eldest sister and I decided it best she have it done in the Philippines where she can get the same quality of care and treatment at a more comprehensible cost. That is why I went home about two months ago: to accompany Mama not only on the plane but also through the first few phases of her recovery.

After consulting two orthopedic doctors in the Philippines however, surgery was not anymore recommended. Healing, they said, had occurred and it wouldn’t be advisable to interrupt it. Physical rehabilitation became the road to her recovery. Her sessions included range of motion exercises, therapeutic ultrasound and electric stimulation of the muscles.

Mama wore a sling most of the time in the day to immobilize the affected joint which augments healing and keeps the humeral bulb near the scapular socket. It also serves as a sign to people passing by to take extra caution.

My youngest sister recently sent us latest pictures of Mama. She can now beam minus the steri-strips and abrasions, and with a brand new pair of spectacles in bright red frame to boot.

Her right arm’s mobility used to be limited to only 50%, but now she can arch it backwards,

lift it sidewards and stretch it upwards.

Amazing!

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Photos in this post are author's property.

Safety & Gender-Sensitivity: The Path To My First Car, Part 2

Many car makes and models speed across my mind. From reliable Toyota, I fancy the ruggedly handsome FJ Cruiser, the versatile RAV4, the classy Camry and the groundbreaking Prius. Its close rival Honda has the sleek Civic and the equally versatile CRV.

Audi comes across as something new to crave :-). The thought of having a car from a (German) company whose products are not as mass-manufactured and ubiquitous as Japanese companies’ is enticing. Plus, I dig its insignia which looks like a double infinity or olympic rings.

Subaru is a relatively novel Japanese car company and is quite a practical alternative if chosen based on unit prices and fuel economy. I have also gotten wind of several first-hand attestations to a Subaru's comfort and ease of driving.

BMW and Mercedes Benz are also considerations, but mainly because these are embodiments of German auto engineering. I doubt these will stay long in my list considering the high cost of ownership and maintenance, despite BMW's offer of no maintenance cost for 4 years or 50,000 miles. The elevation in social status that comes with driving either is currently not essential to my existence.

The one factor I deem MOST IMPORTANT is SAFETY, so I look for ABS (anti-lock brake system), airbags in crucial locations, impressive road & crash test results, VSC (vehicle stability control), etc. Most car companies have the first three as standard features, VSC is often optional. In that respect it's only a matter of optimizing one's choices.

During my search I chanced upon a group that keeps track of which auto companies are gay-friendly and which ones are not. According to Gaywheels, a gay-friendly company offers domestic-partner benefits to their GLBT employees. I was baffled to see Honda and Acura on the unfriendly list. Hyundai, Kia and Suzuki were also mentioned but I couldn’t care less. In a matter of principle, Honda was off my list.

There are many deliberations as I go about my search for the car perfect for my lifestyle, comfort level, principle, need and taste. Will it be a sedan or an SUV? Japanese, German, or American (to help the economy, I thought)? Tried and tested or avant garde? Brand new or second hand? Regular fuel or alternative energy?

Between a sedan and an SUV, I’ve been swerving towards the latter owing to my preference to get on a car by scooting up instead of scooting down; I like the feel of a seat much more elevated from the ground. I also believe a raised seat will allow a better view of the road. But I discovered it only felt that way. Several driving lessons on a sedan afforded me an equally competent view of the road.

Safety-wise, rollover probability is less likely in a sedan because of an SUV's large base center. A sedan is also more financially attainable than an SUV, considering not just the unit’s price but gasoline expenditure in the long run as well. I'm single with full-time employment in one establishment not requiring travel, therefore I expect to do only light city driving that does not entail a huge amount of cargo for which an SUV will come in handy. Until the need arises and until there's a significant change in my buying power, getting an SUV will have to wait.

For now, the pros of a sedan outweighs the ones of an SUV, and so a gay-friendly sedan it will be!

Single Since Birth

I have never had a boyfriend or partner. Anyone asking about my relationship status gets bug-eyed astonished and slack-jawed bewildered with that answer. The predictably inevitable next question is, "Why not?!"

The moment the question is fired and way before I can think of a satisfactory answer, I already get exhausted. To make things easier, I just shrug my shoulders and in a humdrum tone reply, "I don't know."

"Maybe you're too picky," they often surmise.

Doubtful because I don't think my standards are extraordinarily high. The qualities I look for in a man are universal: First of all, he has to be gay and comfortable with it; physically attractive at least to me; a mind that meets mine; a stable job that will see him through retirement; and a personality compatible to mine.

And I don't need to make a rundown on likable qualities such as caring, patient, loving, thoughtful, understanding, etc. because who doesn't want someone with those. In these eclectic times of combo meals, bundle offers and package deals, it's pretty much standard.

Interested and interesting parties? There have been a lot.

But the hope of a romantic possibility is always hindered by any of the three: He likes me but I don't like him. I like him but he doesn't like me. He likes me, I like him, but we can't be together for some reason, for example, he's in a relationship already.

Anonymous sex? Coulda, woulda, shoulda but never did. Once again, "Why not?!"

Well, I'm selfish. I don't want to share myself with someone I barely know. Sex is more than an exchange of sweat, saliva and semen. You give away something of you, something of yourself.

I have always wanted to do it within a relationship. I had read about how physically rewarding and emotionally uplifting a sexual experience is if approached with physical and spiritual maturity and responsibility. Those words left an indelible impression, no doubt.

Don't think of me prude, though. I've had my share of lurid intervals. And my finest achievement have always elicited guffaws from my friends - having gotten as far as doing the French. Yeah, yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

And I'm not saying that doing it at the heat of the moment is an impossibility, specially that my age is way past the calendar and I still haven't gotten any. I could all of a sudden get impatient and tired of waiting, realizing belatedly that youth is slipping away faster than I can count my birthday candles.

For all I know a single stimulating moment of consensual, unadulterated lust is all it will take for my bottled-up libido to break free and burst.

Going back to my uneventful romantic/love/sex life, it also doesn't help that I don't have a car.

This pretty much limits my social arena, dating possibilities, and therefore chances of meeting other gay men. I also have never been and don't think will ever be a denizen of the nightclub scene. Second hand smoke and talking at the top of your voice to counter the deafening sound system is not my idea of a good time. But I do know I have to be at places where I can see and be seen.

"Are you sure you're gay?" comes as a last-ditch effort to understand my situation.

It's funny but women had hit on me nicer than men. How much more elated had I been if it were men who uttered pick-up lines from the amiable "You're funny, I like you," to the committal-imbued, albeit subdued "I wish my son could have as good a father as you can be," and the frank appraisal "I have a handsome nurse on my team today!"

Instead, my not-so-fair share of pick-up lines from gay men run from the tediously inane "What time is it?" and "Is this seat taken?" to the explicitly tasteless "Shall I jack-off while you shower?" and the primitively in-your-face "I want to f**k you!"

But to the question regarding my sexual orientation, I can immediately answer with utmost certainty and confidence, "Oh, yeah, baby!" And I can readily give a rundown on guys who get me off.

Perhaps an answer to the conundrum that is my seemingly perpetual singlehood could be that I simply have not connected with anyone.

Connection is very important. I think whatever your external and internal situations and no matter how each of you come across to one another's family and friends, as long as both of you are on the same wavelength, you will inevitably gravitate towards each other. But heck, what do I know? I've never been there.

Physical attraction always comes first. Like a valuation of a piece of art, the first inkling of a possible relationship is eye appeal. But physical attraction doesn't last long. There has to be something to keep the music playing so you both keep on dancing to the same tune.

But when to hear the music? Where to find your man in a crowd of hundreds? How to dance to romance? What to do to keep the song playing?

Remains to be heard, remains to be seen, remains to be learned, remains to be relished.

Necessity Knocks: The Path To My First Car, Part 1

I have amazingly survived more than a year of not having my own car in the megalopolis that is Los Angeles, making the most out of the city’s public transportation system. There are three reasons why it took this long.

One, I live very near work, practically walking to and from it. That doesn’t quite give me enough motivation to buy a car. Essential establishments such as banks, groceries, supermarkets and drugstores are just a busride away as well.

Two, I’ve been busy with more pressing things and issues. Buying a car requires diligent research, specially for a first-time buyer like me, and upgrading my work-related skills & knowledge and salient aspects of my personal life I found to be more important than upgrading my metropolitan mobility.

Three, I’ve been saving up. In other words, I hadn’t had enough money to buy a car in the past year. I may be a nurse, but my financial performance is the beginner’s type because: it’s my first time to work in this country, I was sponsored for residency by the hospital I work at, and I’ve only been working a year.

In addition, I had three major purchase projects when I started working: a cellphone, a laptop, and a car. Communication takes precedence over transportation. Another project currently in the works that sprung out of necessity is an air conditioner since my apartment is not equipped with one, summer is so very much upon us, and no way will I go through last year's killer heat wave again!

Since I have achieved the first two, it’s only a matter of time before I achieve the third. I had a little financial setback two months ago when I unexpectedly had to go out of the country. Good thing that happened first, otherwise I’ll be anxious leaving my car here for more than a month.

On my way back, thoughts of buying a car started to crystallize. I figured my days of Metro buses & trains and carpools will have to make way for motorist actualization. Thoughts of endless possibilities of city travel was becoming more and more enticing and apparent. I can just imagine all the places I can go to at any time I want with my own car. I'm set to buy one anytime this year.

But that plan became more specific and its time frame more urgent when I found out that the grocery I frequent that used to bring shoppers home with their shuttle does not anymore! I pretty much took it as an affirmative sign.

I have to buy a car!

ASAP!