It's been a little more than five years since "Idealistic Musings..." was completed. Things are pretty much the same with regard to my romantic life; no major changes.
For one, although I confess to now carrying an air of skepticism, which I believe is necessary to keep my feet on the ground and my head way below the clouds, I remain a hopeful romantic at the core. For another, I'm still single - yet to be involved, yet to be committed, which makes getting into a relationship all the more daunting.
On the flip side, the idea of not knowing what to expect brews excitement. If I can wear it on my shirt it would read: "Going there. Will be doing that!" Well, there's always a first time for everything and I can't hardly wait. I've been waiting for the last thirty years! Who am I kidding? (,")
Sometimes frustration and impatience set in, but in a snap I figure I will be with someone because I want to be and not because I have to be. We all want our lives to be enhanced with the addition of a special person and I want to make a wise decision as to who and when. Ultimately, I hope I will not ever become desperate and get into a relationship just for the sake of having one.
As for my singlehood, it remains a quandary to my friends. But they've always been encouraging. My equally single childhood girl friend said when I was to leave for the U.S.: "That's great! You'll have better chances for a lovelife over there. I'm sure I would!"
A good transsexual friend from college with whom I recently rekindled ties promised, "Honey, you're in America now! Here, there's every market for every product!"
A surprising email from a former colleague read: "Do whatever it is that makes you happy, dear friend. Just remember - practice safe sex." Which reminds me I have to get back to her on that.
And a friend's fiancee couldn't help pitching in and with religious undertone: "God is a good and loving God. He made us meant for one special person."
Now, is my singlehood a puzzlement to me? Yes and no. And I plan to expound on that on a future post. At the moment, things are neither looking up nor down. Everything is status quo. It's a big ocean out there and I'll start with brooks and streams.
I'm going to close this post with a Brokeback Mountain music video made by a fan, Stargazer. Although I have yet to "know how the river feels" and have yet to "reach the sea," the first few lines of the song vividly express my fervent hope.
